“All good surprises have a good central plot, a piece de resistance”
Daily Life
Life is filled with daily chores. Get up the children, feed the dog, take out the trash, get the kids ready for school, make breakfast, get dressed for work, pack up the laptop, put the papers back in the folder. And, what about the do not forget times? Don’t forget your homework, don’t forget your lunch money, don’t forget your dad will pick you up early for the doctor, don’t forget we have friends over for dinner tonight, don’t forget to pick up dinner after the doctor. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It is no wonder there are realms of literature about organization, stress management, how to stay focused and my favorite “one-minute manager.” That is all the time we have left. One minute. Every day, in every kitchen around the world, this scenario, like the one above, is replayed with untold precision, right? No. While the story may begin the same the ending is quite different because the only reliable truth is tomorrow will be much like today. Do not sit there and let life be filled with surprises, instead decide to fill life with surprises. I know that the simple decision I never purposely made, trying to surprise people I know, and some I have never met, contains the key to my state of mind. As I have grown wiser, because getting older did not sound like much fun, I continue to see myself as a child. When I talk to neighbors about a project, I truly feel like I did when I asked my father how to do something: Natural curiosity, wanting to learn something new, and glad that this older person wants to help me be the teenager with this project. So, I urge you to think young, feel happy, and look for surprise opportunities.
1. Why Do Surprises at all?
Our house has quite open floor plan, but there are plenty of the occasional nooks. I have used the small wall on the edge of the dining room’s best short cut (or long cut) as the opportunity seemed appropriate. My daughter, my oldest, will always be my little girl. This one day, I decided to try a little surprise I had been working on: “Dad, you have to see this thing on my computer!” and I start walking briskly to be right behind her, until at the last possible minute I break right ( or left according to her path in front of me, and race to be in front of her after the Nook. Other times after the break away, I pause then double back behind her as she laughs to see where I am. That is the goal – laughter. In all my teenage years I have lived to not take myself so seriously. And when I feel overwhelmed, I remember that laughter and silliness are the best medicines.
How many countless pills have I not taken? How many sleepless nights have I avoided? How many chances to argue or get angry have been diverted by the simple mantra to always have fun and fill life with surprises? I do not know, but lots I am sure! I can attest to you, that it is much more fun being in situations with your boss of work or bosses at home that could create anxiety and instead think to myself, “Boy, who’d have thought I could be a responsible adult?” ; “What can I do to move to the next dimension?” ; “What’s for dinner anyway?”
2. What kind of Surprises work best?
Children are the easiest to surprise – partly because they’re gullible, partly because they are naive, but mostly because they trust you so much. As my daughter gets older, I just have the approach. now I can talk to her which opens whole new chapter in gotcha – ability. My son is always a couple years back to be caught by the tried and true antics which get perfected daily. So, the “what’s for dinner?” question that happens as soon as the afternoon rush begins might simply be chicken, mashed potatoes and beans. But I like the catch off guard approach. No let me see – – hmm, lizard lips, frog legs, big juicy broccoli with cheese and, for dessert, spinach ice cream! What do you think? “Oh, dad you are not giving us that again, tonight, are you?” And everyone is laughing and smiling. It just makes the stresses of what life is filled with less anxiety ridden. Surprises can also be an opportunity to avoid conflict with children. When everyone is getting tired, cranky at the end of the day, then comes bath time. My wife will attest that more stressful, challenging situations occur around bath time than any other daily activity. I usually bathe one child, while my wife bathes the other, but last night it was evident that sparks were about to fly for my team. At this point we could have gotten louder, more demanding, hurried and tense. But we didn’t. Just because you and your child may be a bit stubborn does not mean you cannot find pleasant endings. Here’s a great way to diffuse that potential situation. Let’s say you begin to increase the volume of your voice, while your child increases theirs and soon the situation is blown out of proportion. There’s no need for that. In the end no one usually remembers what caused the problem but each of you are sure you are in the right and are way too proud (silly, loud ish, pig – ….) to ever admit you were wrong.
Tony Robbins had the idea that when something happens and you get caught up in the moment, nobody wins, but if you think about it, you know you will sit back on the vent and laugh later. So, why not laugh now, when we were on the road to challenges in the bathroom?
3. An Example you can try tonight
I decided to implement a surprise, worked it out, and asked, “Is that your brother calling me? Wait, he’s saying he wants me to finish his bath tonight and Mom is going to finish yours.” Of course, my daughter corrects me that, “No dad, I didn’t hear a thing”. And the problem we were about to have has already begun to dissipate as I go into the other bathroom, telling the victim that I was going to finish his bath and he was thrilled. My wife and my daughter had a chance to finish her bath and all was well, except … to really complete the change of attitude within the house, I got my son out of the bath and dried him off while he was sitting on the towel. Next, I needed to take him into my daughter’s room to dry his hair, but we did not bother getting him dressed and walked around as such. I folded the four corners of the towel in, and, with a small, sweet face leaning over the edge, I carried him. At this point, I am happy, my son’s giggling and laughing, my daughter is laughing and drying her hands and my wife is laughing so hard tears come down. All because of a simple, spur of the Moment chance to surprise people that I love, everyone had a blast, and all of us forgot about the situation that never had a chance to develop. These are all good examples of surprises about catching people off guard or bringing smiles to the party or changing an opportunity to be mad into a chance to laugh. The neat focus, at least for this post is to create an environment where forethought and planning come together into a surprise that is tremendous fun, yet painless to create. There are surprises of all sorts, timetables and budgets, so let’s get going.
4. Why Happiness is such a huge part of Surprises
I spend a lot of time making people laugh. Whether on the phone, at a store or walking in the neighborhood, I always try to put a smile on some unsuspecting person’s face. In the context of wanting people to be happy, it is amazingly easy to fill life with surprises. I really have two Blockbuster surprises that I created for my wife, and we will talk about those later. Let’s begin with the design of a good surprise! A recipe if you will.
Begin every good surprise by keeping it secret. This core ingredient is so often forgotten and then the surprise turns into a tale of thoughtfulness, which is still appreciated, but not as memorable as it could have been. And that is what we are doing here – creating memories that will last a lifetime, always bring a smile to your face and can be used later to change a ho hum day into a great-to-be-alive-day. Secret of course from the victim, but also secret from the spoilers. Spoilers are those people who are usually quite innocent and really would like to help, but, instead, they say the wrong thing or use the wrong gesture, and before you know it, the recipe for surprise turns into the recipe for disaster. So, the first step in your surprise should be to decide the people needed to bring the plan together and tell no one else. Even the people who are involved only need to know their tasks – give them enough info to contribute but not so much that they start getting out of hand.
5. The Setup
All good surprises have a good central plot, a piece de resistance. Define this main idea thoroughly, but do not forget about the rest of the accompaniments. Remember the two blockbuster surprises? Well, one of those began as a simple day at the spa for my wife and grew into a masterpiece simply because I kept being creative. A day at the spa sounds as good as it could get – a day of rest and relaxation, a day away from the wonderful albeit love consuming children. And a day away from the husband – enough said – I’m sure. That day took many twists and turns at the creative chop block, if you will, because next, I wondered if she would also like to get her hair done. Silly question I know, but I was in my creative/brainstorming mode where I try to understand all the possible outcomes.
We live out a bit and she really does not like to drive. I knew a guy at the office with a limousine company, so that was another call to be made for sure. If we were going to dinner, as this turned out to be our 11th anniversary in addition to the massive surprise I had planned, a babysitter needed to be forewarned, excuse me, I mean arranged. Actually, we have the world’s best babysitter right next door – a couple whose children have all moved out and the mother loves children. Arranging time with her is difficult, so this item had to be decided and scheduled well in advance.
Was there anything else my wife had ever wanted to do or have done? How can this all be arranged and yet take her by surprise around a key day like an anniversary? As it turned out the first answer gave the solution to the riddle posed by the 2nd. Let me explain. She had mentioned getting her teeth whitened a couple times which did sound like a neat idea. This item was used as the giveaway item (something awfully hard to conceal but given away as a great idea the victim perceives as the entire surprise). This has many positive contributions to the overall impact of the surprise as you will soon discover. To send my wife to the dentist office and have her understandably worry about what they are going to do did not seem to be the best idea, so I got everyone into the car for a trip to the grocery store. “Let’s go get something cool for dinner tonight, “I said, and that is just what the two kids and I did, but I had other plans for Mom. Halfway there I took a wrong turn and was asked by the two other people in the car who would know we were going the wrong way: “Which grocery store are we going to?” “Well “, I said, “we’re going to the regular grocery store, “I told my daughter, and Mom is going to get her teeth whitened, “I replied. Quick flashing anxiety and a few more questions later I was able to reveal the giveaway item, let her know how thoughtful I was in allow her guard to be completely dropped for the day of surprises yet to come on our real anniversary day!
The children are happy and as excited, if not more, then Mom. My wife is overwhelmed at what seems like a lot of planning and I am proud of a well thought out plan that is coming together. The giveaway item was reaffirmed as the real surprise the previous night: “Just so you know, I said, I tried really hard to get the whitening appointment for tomorrow, but they were all booked.“ That was the hardly the best surprise for the upcoming day, as she would soon find out. Happy families smile all around, and all the good stuff still to come tomorrow, I thought as I was going to sleep that night.
6. Utilize Key People
Utilize key people. There turned out to be quite a few key people involved in the creation of this surprise, and their roles were vital. I had gone to the dentist for my regular cleaning appointment and that is when I started asking them about my wife’s whitening experience and what that would involve. Then, I started talking to the nurse about my next appointment and that the whitening was a surprise for my wife and wondered aloud if getting her hair done might be a good idea, “Oh, she will love that! “I was told, and she knew just who to call and I began dialing the number right away. These perfect people for the exact task at hand show up for me all the time, so I have learned not to question it, only to be quietly amazed. One way to secure all the “perfect” people is to make more connections through your job, your community service, your church, and your friends. You never know when you might need them, whether for something serious or for something incredibly fun and adventurous as an elaborate surprise can be.
My wife’s hair appointment was scheduled for Friday at 2:00 PM. Now what to do before and after? Next came the single most important person for the surprise – the limo driver. Remember the guy at my office who had a limousine company? We did not really work together, but because it was a small start-up business, where everyone knew everybody’s business, he told me: “Sure, I can give you a discount for a car and driver for one day, “he said, and the deal was done. With the limo driver set to arrive at 9 AM and a 2 PM hair appointment, I decided on a 1/2 day at the spa and made the call to Spa Seidel. Having been told they did have an opening at 9:45 for half day was the best news of all. I gave them just enough information about the surprise in order to verify I could pay by credit card over the phone and was guaranteed that no one would present a bill to my wife. At this point the entire surprise was really taking shape – the driver was scheduled, and the spa was set, and the hair appointment was arranged. So, what could be missing?
7. The Extra Touch
The first thing I thought of was the clothes. Would she really like wearing the same clothes all day and especially after the spa, wouldn’t it be nice to have a change of clothes? So, I went shopping.
The three ingredients for a surprise which have been discussed so far are to 1: Keep the surprise secret, 2: Be creative, and 3: Utilize key people. The next ingredient, which was not revealed earlier in order to punctuate the need for organization with so many details and the breadth of post-it’s with small pieces of information, it becomes mandatory that we be organized. Don’t get scared about this stuff because heaven knows I am not a very organized person, so, when it comes to a vast collection of details and people you talk to for the making of a great surprise, a little organization can go a long way. My shopping list, therefore, became a small section in the preparation for the recipe of the surprise. I am usually quite good at picking out clothes which my wife will like, but I am not as good at picking just the right components for a specific occasion (if that makes sense). I can easily pick out a top and a pair of pants that would be good for a night out, but then she never has the right pair of shoes.
Men do not have this problem. One pair of casual shoes, I mean tennis shoes and one pair of dressy shoes and most men are set. So, for me to pick exactly the right pair of shoes for a specific dress and a surprise day, I would be reaching for the stars. Instead, I decided to buy two pairs of shoes and we could always return the ones that did not go with the outfit. The experience of shopping and going to 6 or 8 stores to find just the right pieces is really fun for me. My suggestion for those of you reading this who find no happiness trudging through stores and waiting for a salesclerk is this: just relax. There is never a reason to get all stressed out over the perfect clothes. It is more the idea, thought, and action of going through and surprising your wife with clothes that you thought would look great on her than the actual clothes(Although the clothes do matter, so don’t pick terrible items, try to keep it in the middle between glum and extravagant). I want you to try and keep the end in mind, which is: Shopping now, fun – filled surprise later. When I left the outlet mall, I had 6 bags filled with clothes and accessories which I knew would work in just the right combination and my wife would decide on that. On the way home, I stopped for one last finishing touch item. I figured that with so many things happening all around her on surprise day, and with someone else dining, it would be nice for her to have a glass of wine in between the spa and hair appointment and/or on the way home. So, I went to the store and picked up a nice bottle of Merlot. It was the perfect finishing touch.
Conclusions
Men, women, or anyone else who wants to surprise their loved ones, please take these examples with a grain of salt. Your surprise may not go perfectly the first time as you start to get ahold of the reins when deciding who to safely talk to, who would spoil the surprise, and who you need to utilize to ensure the surprise goes according to plan. What really will matter in the end is the reaction you get, whether they learn of the surprise beforehand or not, they will cherish the fact that you spent all that time and effort in order to surprise them, especially with everything else going on in the world right now. Read these examples, learn from them, implement surprises into your life, and, always, make sure you smile more then you did yesterday. It is the cure for a lot of so-called diseases. And surprises are just one way to elicit an unsuspecting smile from someone you care about and love.
We have a lot more posts just like this one coming soon, filled with insights from happy, confident, extravagant people who want you to experience more joy, confidence, and luxury than you currently are. We love each and every one of you. Fill your lives with surprises, not monotony, with joy, not depression, and please, for the love of all that is holy, please smile more today.
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